A 2002 Good Housekeeping poll showed that 79% of readers felt that we are ruder to people than we were 10 years ago, while an ABC News poll that same year showed that 80% of respondents felt that lack of respect and courtesy had become a serious national problem. In the ABC News poll, the majority of respondents blame parents for not instilling manners in their children.
Good manners are not something you are born with, but are taught and learned, so in that respect, it is true that parents are the main culprit in the current loss of manners in the United States. Good manners are behaviors which society determines qualify someone as a civilized and cultured member. Manners are often confused with etiquette, which are formal rules of conduct.
We all remember the grandmother or aunt who wielded a fork at a dinner table like a weapon if she saw your elbows on the table, or if you reached across someone to get something. We have all heard the statements “were you born in a barn?” when we did something that was not mannerly or acceptable social behavior. Many of us actually were given manners instruction in school, learning the proper way to answer a telephone, introduce people and set a table.
Today’s culture doesn’t seem to hold as much stock in the old etiquette rules of our grandparents, however. Life is treated more casually and some of the old etiquette rules preached by Emily Post are falling by the wayside. Unfortunately, the loss of manners and etiquette are creating a society of rudeness that should not be tolerated, and there are clear examples of etiquette rules that are now being ignored.
Hats
There was a time when every man and woman knew the etiquette rules of wearing a hat, and some of those rules do still appear. When the National Anthem is played, I can’t recall seeing any person wearing a hat who did not remove it. However, the rules of etiquette regarding hats as written by Emily Post state that men should remove hats in someone’s home, at mealtimes, when being introduced, in a house of worship, indoors at work, in public buildings, at a movie, and when the National Anthem is played. It should also be removed when the United States flag passes by. Women wearing baseball caps should adhere to the same rules as men, and when wearing decorative hats, should remove them if the hat obstructs the view of others.
Table Manners
The obvious rules of sitting up at the table and not slouching, keeping your elbows off the table and using the proper forks for eating still stand, yet many of them are not apparent when you view others in restaurants. Children are rarely taught these manners and often a trip to a restaurant becomes a nightmare, not only for the parents, but for the patrons sitting around them. Body functions, inappropriate conversation and other unmannerly actions do not belong at the dinner table, whether at home or out in public.
Introductions
The art of introducing people has definitely gone by the wayside. Quite often, people are introduced with first names only, when the proper way of introduction is to introduce them using both names. You should also speak the older of the people before the younger. For example, if you are introducing a friend to your father, you should say “Dad, this is my friend, Susie Johnson. Susie, this is my father, Horace Smith.” This is a sign of respect to the older individual.
Telephone Etiquette
This is definitely becoming a lost art in our society, and it is one that needs to be focused on more and more due to the proliferation of cell phones. Cell phone etiquette is not a lot different than landline etiquette. Never talk on the phone while you are eating (and trust me, I am definitely guilty of this). With phones being more high quality than they used to be, it is also not good manners to use the bathroom while talking on the phone as those on the other end can hear what you are doing, and the telltale flush is never pleasant to the person listening.
Overall it does appear that teaching manners has fallen to the wayside and it is time to bring them back. Rudeness and disrespect have no place in a civil society and it is up to parents to start teaching their children proper manners and etiquette.
Resources:
Post, Emily. Etipedia. Retrieved from http://www.emilypost.com/
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